Kristal

This site is about my experience with cervical dysplasia, as well as anything else I might feel like discussing!


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It’s not over……

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I was hoping my next post would be all about sisterhood, friendship, and a wonderful Saturday spent running around Calgary raising awareness for below the belt cancers…..well, it’s not,  so here it is…….things aren’t over.  When I had my appointment on May 2nd, and the doctor didn’t see anything, I allowed myself a moment of hope, and that hope grew over the past month.  It’s not that I am saying “don’t hope, it’s pointless”, it’s more that I am a little down that there are still abnormal cells present, and my fight is not over.  Obviously everyone wants to get better, and I know I am very lucky that everything has been caught so early, but right now that’s not helping. Everything is really low grade, and I am told to be positive, since the doctor isn’t concerned.  I’m hoping my body can fight this, and I’m not going to stop my current trend of exercising and feeling better about myself.  So the blog continues!

Oh and I will get to that post this week about the Underwear Affair, as I really had a great time.

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From calm to panic in three seconds

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I’m posting a picture I took at the Trevi fountain, as it reminds me how panicked I felt that day, not unlike today with a phone call from my Dr.  The nurse called today to ask if I knew about my appointment with the clinic.  After speaking to her for a few minutes,I began to panic a little, and asked the nurse if I had missed one, or was it in the next week?  It turned out it was for the appointment that the clinic made with me for May 2014.  When I hung up the phone, I looked at my co-worker and laughed, full of relief.  It may have been a better idea for the nurse to say “Are you aware of the May 2014 appointment?, instead of making me think the clinic had missed calling me, or something worse had been found, again missed communication. I generally can keep my panic under control, but you don’t know when you will be overwhelmed by it.  Things are getting a lot better though, less panic attacks, now if I could work on sleeping through the night!

To give a bit of context to the picture, when I visited Rome I was overwhelmed with panic  It was wall to wall people in the city, and at Trevi Fountain, which is a very small area, there was a mass of people.  I can’t even believe how many, and my picture does not include all of those who were there.  Surrounded by people and no where to comfortably wait for the group, so when someone said to throw a coin in the fountain to me, I piped up with “I don’t want to come back!”.  I guess if I wasn’t a little neurotic I wouldn’t be me, and at least I try something once, before deciding I am too afraid to try!


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Blogging Experience/Zen of Social Media Marketing

I can’t believe it’s only been one week that I have been blogging, it wasn’t easy to start or to consider putting myself out there in a very exposed way, but I am glad I did.  I don’t feel nearly as exposed, and it helps me direct stress in a more healthy manner.  I am noticing some of the trends that were mentioned in Shama Kabani’s book “the Zen of Social Media Marketing”.  I haven’t blogged all weekend and my views are much lower than when I have published something, and she suggests blogging a minimum of twice a week.  I think if one wants to really build their base, posting every 2nd day would be more beneficial.  You want people to remember you are around, but you also want to make sure you have substance.  Over all, I have really enjoyed the blogging experience, and I love how it’s already connecting me to people who are in a similar situation.  Even if they don’t comment directly, I think a blog like mine (one with a social purpose) can be very effective in relieving some fear and stress about shared medical conditions.  I do hope that as I continue to write, that people start feeling more comfortable about discussing things with me. I would actually like to see Shama explore that more, twitter, facebook and blogs can be more than just business builders, they can be mediums of social change.  It’s not just that social media has changed how we communicate, but it can be used to create further change, and more open dialogues in our world.

I do feel that text books like Shama’s or “Likeable Social Media” can benefit new learner’s to this medium, but I do feel they focus too much on business, and/or marketing strategies.  It’s too narrow a focus.  We need to expand the definition of what social media can do for us, both as individuals and our society as a whole.  I think she would be wise to add a chapter in her book to this effect.

I would rate this week very high for how much I have come to enjoy blogging, and I can’t wait to see what the future brings. 


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Drowning in stress

I’ve been told that when I am overwhelmed by stressful feelings I should write, that seeing it down on paper somehow frees it from inside.  I never know when I will be consumed by stress, it can be a lot of little things that set it off, or it can be nothing.  Sometimes I think I should ask for help, but then the next day I am better, or enough sleep allowed me to be more reasonable.  I hate how I feel like I will fall apart, or things will never get better, and I know they won’t fall apart, and there are plenty of amazing things in my life right now.   It just feels like I have too much to deal with, a demanding job, and a heart condition aside from my dysplasia. I find I hide away a lot more, and that may not be healthy, but then no one is making demands on me….I like that.  A normal request from someone can have me dreading seeing anyone, even if it’s a small task.

I’m going to list things that I am really enjoying right now, as a reminder to myself:

-Whether you like it or not, Survivor has been fun this season.  It’s great to lose myself in the mundane lives of Hollywood wannabes.

-My social media course.  Though it’s a lot of work, I love what I am learning.  I love that it’s not only an outlet for me, but that maybe other women will see it and it will help them.  I think a blog like this, with someone who is very open and honest can really allow for change in our world.  Can allow people to be less lonely, and less afraid.

-Some of my friends, they are there to help and I am relying heavily on a few. 

-The team I work with, it’s an all female group, but they are there to help.  And they do help a lot.  They take work from me, and they listen to me a lot, and put up with what I feel are moods that are up and down.

-My new place.  It’s close to work, close to a mall (dangerous) and a fabulous walking pathway (Bowmount River Pathway).  I have ideas to put in hard wood floors, and paint it a new color, and really make it my own. 

This is all I can really think of right now.