Okay, so it’s not like I actually believe that each year can be only good or bad, or that I should hope the next one is fantastic, as life is too random to be one thing. Though a few quiet years would be nice as I’m already the girl with the heart condition, bad knee, who almost developed cancer this year. I think that is more than enough for life altering challenges. Some of the things that stuck out in my memory are:
– Buying my first home! Now, I’ve owned homes before with my ex-husband, but this home is mine alone (and he can’t do things like move all the furniture around, or plot with his mother behind my back in it). It was a struggle to get the bank to realize that I was not a crazy risk being single, but everything else worked out okay. I recently was doing some after Boxing Day madness shopping and I purchased a number of kitchen items, magic bullet and a crock pot, which was really enjoyable (Yes, you are correct in the assumption that I don’t get out much). It’s a slow process getting my home functional, but once I have my new floors in this summer, I can really start adding more furniture and make this my sanctuary.
-Calgary, the city amazes me in good and bad ways, but this summer the world saw the good ways. The floods of June 2013 will never be forgotten, and if we focus on the community spirit and the volunteers who helped clean it up, then I will be okay with never forgetting. We came together not as friends and family, but as a whole city, and everyone worked together to get our city back to working order. It was really inspiring to watch, and helped me focus on more positive things in general, which was something I really needed. Even during terrible times, great things can happen, and focusing on the good can really help with depression and anxiety.
If you want to read more about the floods: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2013_Alberta_floods
-In February 2013, I started a new job. It unfortunately happened right around the time I was diagnosed with cervical dysplasia, so I’m really not sure how I kept it all together and got work done. Realistically, I was mentally breaking down, but maybe having a good job was what kept that last shred of sanity intact. It’s a busy job, and I’m in a room full of extroverts (very introverted myself), but I again feel that strong sense of community, like people care, and like I really belong, which is something I have been searching for in my work for a long time. We have a lot of fun, and everyone has been very supportive of me, so I expect even with all the craziness that I will still be there in another year.
-Social media, Wow, its really changed my life. I have met so many great people through twitter, and I am learning so much from them about blogging. I know I have SO MUCH to learn, and my grammar isn’t perfect, but I really enjoy the exercise of writing, and I hope to continue in the future. I love the connection I feel through social media, and that it allows me to participate on my terms, and believe me when I don’t want to be around people physically, you are immediately very aware of that. My hopes for the next year are to improve my writing, increase my followers, and increase my presence online in regards to below the belt cancers, and get over my fear of self promotion. It’s okay to put myself out there to the world, and to be selfish in wanting some attention, and at the same time hopefully help some others in that process.
-Dysplasia I’ve been through some tough experiences in my life (divorce, heart condition, fractured knee, abuse) and maybe I will blog about those experiences one day, but the cervical cancer scare was the worst of them all. I was on edge almost the whole time, anxious, alone (even with my great support group), and afraid, so very afraid. Now that the abnormal cells have been removed, and I am feeling better, I am trying to move on, but it is not easy. Don’t let anyone tell you it is easy to move on, or that you are being overly dramatic, since you caught your condition early, because it’s not easy. I still have two more appointments with the clinic in the future (more if the abnormal cells return), and at some point I may have to face this battle again with cancerous cells showing up other parts of my reproductive tract, but I am really trying not to focus on this, and instead try and focus more on being in the moment, and on being positive.
-Someone who I have had a very up and down relationship with, is no longer a friend. I have had to finally realize that I can’t keep looking for the good in some people, if I cannot accept some of the terrible decisions they make in their life. Or that when they are appearing to help me, they are in reality just trying to bully me and get back at past hurts. Sometimes you have to move on, and sometimes you have to allow people to destroy their own lives, or even their own morality.
-Family. This is a tough one for me to talk about, but after the procedure my family put me through a terrible ordeal, and because of it I have distanced myself from them. I’ve always felt that we tried to act like a family, do family things, but we don’t like each other at all, or have anything in common, so we fail at this play-act. As well, there are a number of issues from my childhood that will never be truly resolved as they do not see them as problems, though I have moved past them. I am currently taking some time to really think about what I need from my family, and even what is a family really….can it not be made up of people of my choosing?
That’s what stands out in my memory for the past year. There were some really amazing tv shows, movies, and books I read, but they weren’t anything that really defines me, or changed me. To everyone who has been there for me this past year, thank you. I really needed the support, few know how truly messed up I was this past year, and some of you really carried me through the worst of it. Like I said, I’m too realistic to think that next year won’t come with challenges, but I hope they are normal ones, like my fridge breaking, or that I got one too many colds this year. I’m kind of tired of going through my nine lives at a rapid fire pace!
I’m not one to make resolutions, but I did think that having a few goals would be nice, so here they are:
1) I want to try Peking Duck. I always meant to try it, but always forget, so this year I will enjoy Peking Duck!
2) I will learn how to use eyeliner. It can’t be as hard as I make it look.
3) Travel. I’ve been thinking of a trip to Cambodia, Thailand, and Vietnam, but I also wonder if I should try and add a trip in to the Eastern Seaboard, or even London, as I have a few people I know there now to make it a really fun trip (and I think they would be totally game to “hunt down” Benedict Cumberbatch!).