Kristal

This site is about my experience with cervical dysplasia, as well as anything else I might feel like discussing!

Update on my condition

5 Comments

I’ve posted a lot today, and I do apologize.  I thought I should update, since it’s been a rough day for me, though what’s happening is fairly common.  I started bleeding lightly last night, and it has just gotten worse this evening.  I have been in touch with the clinic, and they will see me tomorrow if it’s necessary…..I just hope it won’t be.  I know I will get better, but I was really scared last night, and upset most of today.  I have been taking it very easy, but like most, I spend more time blaming myself for things I shouldn’t have done, thinking it caused the bleeding, when I know none of it is true.  I just want to be healed, and move on with my life, and I don’t feel like that is possible today…..or fear it’s not possible to be more truthful.  On days where I have something that scares me my anxiety kicks into overdrive, and I can only focus on worst case scenarios.  But don’t worry (anyone who is reading), I have a lot of great people in my life, and someone coming to visit tonight, so I know that will give me something to focus on instead of my health.  As well I have a goal to participate in the underwear affair this year! (more details on that later)

Recovering from a LEEP isn’t easy, and I don’t want to scare anyone, but again i feel it’s better to be honest and upfront about my feelings, and where I am mentally.  I still find that I fall apart at the smallest event, like Monday night.  I had someone in to install wifi and he had no idea what he was doing, and it took an hour of directing him to get to my house!  By the time he was here, and working, I was already so upset, so when it took him almost two hours to finish (and it never properly worked anyways) I was an absolute wreck.  I can’t handle people frustrating me, and I know it will get better with time and therapy.  It’s nice to be able to blog about what I deal with on a daily basis, and get it out of me, instead of it festering inside my head 🙂

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5 thoughts on “Update on my condition

  1. Hugs to you Kristal. Im always available if you want to chat. I have my phone with me pretty much all of the time. I cant express my sympathy for you over the anxiety you are feeling. It is real and there is not like the despair you can feel in the pit of your stomach. I truly understand anxiety. Im glad you have a great support system close by. Make sure they take care of you or else I might have to cram my fat ass in an airline seat and go take care of you myself!

    • Thanks Patti, I know, of anyone, you get what I am going through, and how it affects you mentally. I really try to think positively, but it can be hard some days, and so many just pass off anxiety as something easy to get over. Even some of my more compassionate friends don’t realize they brush me off so often.

      We should get together and chat one night, whether by phone or in facebook. I think we would have a lot to talk about.

  2. Kristal, I am sorry you are going through what you are going through. I cant say I know how it feels, I do not..BUT I do know anxiety…I am the queen of dealing with this..It can truly be your worst nightmare. I wanna share something with you…I have a few medical issues, MS..Lung disease…Anyway…When i get truly stressed out over something that is happening physically if I let my anxiety take over..it makes everything worse..It makes the symptoms..the physical ones worse..and my mental state when i am panicking..well forget it..LOL I have a site I go to It is my (safe site) so to speak. I love the rain and grew up in New England..Living now in S California..it never rains…anyway I go to http://www.rainymood.com/ I close my eyes and take deep breathes..I know this may sound silly..but it works for me. Maybe you need a “safe site” or safe song or something that just makes you feel good and feels like a big hug! Stay strong my friend this too shall pass xoxoxox

    • Thanks Tami, Like you I’ve learned ways to reduce it, and on suggestions of the classes I’ve taken and my therapist I started writing it down, that’s why started the blog. I could share with people what I am feeling and not hide it so much. I also have people in Calgary who know what i’m like and will talk to me. Once the stressful situation is gone I can usually control things, that’s the main reason I want to get better 🙂 Thanks for being there, and sharing.

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