I’ve been told that when I am overwhelmed by stressful feelings I should write, that seeing it down on paper somehow frees it from inside. I never know when I will be consumed by stress, it can be a lot of little things that set it off, or it can be nothing. Sometimes I think I should ask for help, but then the next day I am better, or enough sleep allowed me to be more reasonable. I hate how I feel like I will fall apart, or things will never get better, and I know they won’t fall apart, and there are plenty of amazing things in my life right now. It just feels like I have too much to deal with, a demanding job, and a heart condition aside from my dysplasia. I find I hide away a lot more, and that may not be healthy, but then no one is making demands on me….I like that. A normal request from someone can have me dreading seeing anyone, even if it’s a small task.
I’m going to list things that I am really enjoying right now, as a reminder to myself:
-Whether you like it or not, Survivor has been fun this season. It’s great to lose myself in the mundane lives of Hollywood wannabes.
-My social media course. Though it’s a lot of work, I love what I am learning. I love that it’s not only an outlet for me, but that maybe other women will see it and it will help them. I think a blog like this, with someone who is very open and honest can really allow for change in our world. Can allow people to be less lonely, and less afraid.
-Some of my friends, they are there to help and I am relying heavily on a few.
-The team I work with, it’s an all female group, but they are there to help. And they do help a lot. They take work from me, and they listen to me a lot, and put up with what I feel are moods that are up and down.
-My new place. It’s close to work, close to a mall (dangerous) and a fabulous walking pathway (Bowmount River Pathway). I have ideas to put in hard wood floors, and paint it a new color, and really make it my own.
This is all I can really think of right now.